Atlas Travels

While I am gone, soldiers will die in Afghanistan and Iraq. When will this insane war end?

While I am gone, my "new" car will get fixed to pass its safety. Somethings are worth fixing. Sometimes there is a high cost to fixing them, other times you can just throw it away because it isn't worth fixing. Sometimes, it is worth so much that you have to try and fix it.

While I am gone, the price of oil will go up 4-5% because it is hot.

While I am gone, I will celebrate the second anniversary of quitting smoking. When faced with difficult choices, people can change for the better. Other times, people just realize how dumb something is, and stop doing it. Every once and a while, I still want one.

While I am gone, Alex Rodriguez will hit his 500th Home Run. While I am gone, Barry Bonds will probably break Aaron's record. Both are important for different reasons.

While I am gone, I will miss you.

When we are gone, life will go on.

As the Architect said it's all about choice.

I can't wait to find this on YOUtube

I knew it!

For a very short period of time a camera has replaced Dick's hand - thus officially making him acting President. I hope he ordered a really good sandwich in the two hours he had. I am willing to bet the NSA is already viewing the tape pursuant to the Patriot Act.

The part I don't get so clearly is how he invokes the second part of the amendment - I mean, he isn't the President anymore, right? Dick should just say - "George, I think we have had enough of my policies being bungled."

The absolute topper is the fact that all three times 25th amendment was used, it was for an invasive viewing of the President's bottom. Executive privilege, indeed.

Poor Rob

That is an inside joke.

I believe you are resilient - in order to be you as long as you have been, you'd have to be.

You can't do that on Television!

And what I am referring to is picking the channels *I* want to watch.

For decades, the CRTC has gone out of its way to make it harder for me to watch the television I want to watch - no doubt it has more to do with protecting culture than it does with unintentionally providing corporate welfare to the "native arts channel" or any of the other 35 channels I don't give a hoot about.

The main service providers are not helping matters. The cost of basic cable is affordable, but for me to get the stations *I* want, I have to buy advanced packages, or bundles, that include a lot of things I don't want.

The good news is that for the most part, the shows I want to see can be viewed "illegally" on the internet or at a friend's House who PVRs it for me. Technology, while lining their pockets, will be their undoing. Personally, I have rejected television as a form of entertainment- I had previously cancelled my cable - and only now do I have basic cable because it comes for free with the Internet.

I think it is time for the model to change- rather than buying "packages" of Pringles at COSTCO that have four tubes of good chips with four tubes of flavours only a zombie would like - I want to be able to buy channels individually. I don't need the local Hamilton channel, or six french channels, or the multiculturalism network - or, for that matter - three different forms of the CBC. But, I would probably get the CBC channels if I had the option.

Technology and the internet (and I mention them independently, because I think they are distinct) are making it that a larger market can be serviced with relative ease. I am sure that as advanced cable systems are developed, and knowing that I can rent movies at a click of a button now, we can have unique cable packages beamed into our residences.

Right now, I am paying a little more than a buck a channel - but I only want about six of the channels I have. I would pay up to $3 a channel for a package that I could tailor to include:

Global, CTV, CBC, CBC Newsworld, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox, CNN, A&E, Bravo, TSN, ESPN, WGN, YES, HGTV (I know, I know) AMC, The Golf Network, Food television, the WB, MSNBC, Sportsnet Connected, and a variety of Pay per view options. That is 22 channels at $3 each - or 66 dollars. I can't get anything close to this for under $120 because of one channel and to get that ONE channel, I have to spend an extra $60. Maybe next year it will be worth it, but the Yanks are just not that good this year.

The point is that the oligopolistic practices of the service providers to force product onto us has pushed me away entirely. If I didn't know better, I would say they colluded directly with the licensing agency to ensure that all the channels that I don't want (but you might love) are forced into my living room.

If there was EVER a minister who would push this agenda it is Maxime "I have never seen a regulation that I like" Bernier (C- Beauce, a reference to his looks). I hope he does to Television what he did to home phone service provision - scare the providers into better service.

These Irish Eyes are Rolling

Or they would be, if I was Irish.

Congrats to Padraig Harrington on surviving the British Open. He didn't win it, everyone else lost it - and he almost did too- he was lucky to get into the playoff. I have three observations:

Laying up under pressure: One day, someone will explain to me the virtue of "conservative" golf. Sure, Jean Van De Velde could have hit wedge, wedge wedge and three putted 18 in 1999 - but he didn't. He barely made seven to get into a playoff and lose to Paul Laurie.

Fast forward eight years. In the playoff- with a two stroke lead, Paddy had to make a four footer to win outright after playing 18 as a par five. Granted, he didn't see Sergio's shot (who was 30 yards further up the fairway) before he hit his second - but let me assure you, hitting a full wedge with OB all over the place isn't necessarily easy either. A hair too thin, and you have choked your way to second. The point is that if you set yourself up to hit a "safe" shot because you might hit a "hard" shot poorly, the same swing under pressure can get you into just as much trouble with a five iron. I am proof positive that an iron off the tee might get you into just as much trouble- at least a driver is blasts you closer to the green.

Sergio, the choker: Poppycock.

The GREATEST player in the History of the British Open - Tom Watson - won his first open title at the age of 26, and "Watson played golf at Stanford University and graduated with a degree in psychology. He turned pro in 1971, but in his early years got the reputation of a player who wilted under pressure."

Watson knew why he was choking - that is what a Psych degree will get you.

Sergio is 27, and has almost a decade of PGA experience. By Golf standards, he hasn't even reached his prime yet - Tiger Woods (age 32) is just entering his prime, which is, admittedly, scary shit. Mickelson had the same things said about him- and he has chocked- maybe "better" than anyone else in history - but has a pair of Green Jackets to cry himself to sleep in.

The European Media (who are bastards, btw) need to relax. Yeah, they can pick on Monte or on Hugh Grant for banging Monte's wife- but Sergio has more top tens in majors than Spanish Elections he was eligible to vote in. Give him time- he will be better than Seve.

But, you know who else chocked? EVERYONE ELSE. He just chocked last. Like Casey at the bat...And to be fair- he didn't even really choke- he bogeyed the hardest hole after lipping out on a downhill slider that (was supposed to) break away from the player- do you know how hard those are? It isn't like he made seven on the last - he was three over on the back nine. If anyone choked, it was Paddy - who made six on 18.

And if finishing second in a major is the test for choking - then I guess Jack Nicklaus is the biggest choker of them all- having finished second in 19 majors on top of the 20 he won. Not to mention the fact he only won the Open twice between 1963 and 1980 - finishing in the top five every year in the 1970s, and in the top ten every year except 1965.

Sergio is not, however, Jack Nicklaus. No one is. Not even Tiger - yet.

The Real Surprise: wasn't the winner, the second place finisher, or even the guy who finished third after snap-shanking a ball OB on 17. The real surprise was the fact that five of the top ten finishers are World Cup players for the international team. After their Ryder Cup drubbing last fall, the Americans are about to get their asses handed to them - AGAIN.

It is time to change the rules for both events. Make it a THREE WAY match between the Americas, the Europeans and Africa/Asia/Australia - and make it every two years. That would be great golf. And before purists say - "we can't change them" they just freakin' did! less than 20 years ago, it was England vs. USA - and when the US won like 7 in a row, they said - ok, maybe we should change this.

A Moral Victory for the Insurgency

Life Imitates Sport?

It isn't exactly irony, but it is delicious nevertheless. In other news, Afghanistan and Chechnya battled to a 201-201 tie on the cricket pitch.

According to CTV Sportsnet, they were firing weapons into the air in Baghdad to celebrate- which is slightly better than pointing them at the Americans, I suppose. I just can't imagine any universe where firing weapons into the sky is an acceptable way to celebrate anything.

Red Light

On the street, a flashing Red Light means you should come to a complete stop, and proceed with caution.

On the top of the building, it is used to avoid hitting the building with a plane.

A siren. A country road stop sign. A beacon. A district you won't tell your kids about. An indication the idiot in front of you is finally going to slow down. Evidence that the oven is hot enough to bake chicken wings. A message awaits.

Some nights I stare waiting for the Red Light. Flashing. Telling me there is something there.

Tonight when it flickered I proceeded with caution. There are so many things that the messages carry- and the curse I call imagination dreams of wild results to seemingly simple problems. More often then not it asked me if I wanted cheap pharmaceuticals. Sometimes it updated me on the score in the game. A smile from a friend. It did not bring me bad news.

Who knew that a red light, or the absence of one, could create such anxiety.

Flashing in the dark. I stare waiting for it, or sleep, to come. I wish for the later first.

Senses

You can stand on a street corner you walk by every day - and only remember one moment. Who could think that looking both ways before crossing the street would hurt?

You can sit in a restaurant you have been in a 100 times and remember the one time it wasn't any fun. The food is always great, but I don't like this booth.

You can drive by a hospital in which your life was saved and only remember losing a loved one. I don't remember my life being saved, but I remember sitting bedside.

You can sit at a desk and remember losing your job.

You can sit across from it and remember getting it. Back.

You can visit the peace tower - and know that 31 million see it as the symbol of freedom, and know that for you it is about loss. It isn't eternal - it is centennial- it goes out all the time.

You can walk home and slink into bed, or onto the couch, pick out a movie and watch it - knowing there is no way you will ever be as happy as you were the first time you saw it - but you watch it anyway.

You can stand on the front lawn- and smell the grass - and remember the last time you ever saw the person you thought was your best friend.

No matter what your perspective - it can change in an instant. I celebrate the riches my senses provide to me. The feelings I get in my chest that tell me that something is wrong, that it should hurt, help me to stay alive. In fact, they prove I am. It is the same for happiness. You feel it inside.

I am sooooo sick of Soccer

Why can't the CBC radio programming focus on something else - ANYTHING else.

Sound clips of soccer are, well, retarded.

And the cultural/political significance of Soccer in Argentina in the 1970s is about as interesting as Madonna's movie about Eva Peron.

It Begins Anew

We all know where this is headed

Japan investigates 'nuclear leak'

Clouds of smoke poured from the nuclear power plant on Monday
Japanese officials are investigating the possibility of a second radioactive leak from a nuclear plant, following Monday's earthquake in central Japan.

The Curse

Nothing changes. This exchange between Homer, and Bart pretty much sums up how I feel right now:

He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do.

Bart: You make me sick, Homer. You're the one who told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it!

Homer: Well, now that you're a little bit older, I can tell you that's a crock! No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

My friend who caddied for me today, who has seen me play about 200 times, said to me that he has never seen me play as well as I did today. And yet, it wasn't enough.

I didn't let my team down (we finished a solid second) and winning my third match would not have made my team win. I beat my two other opponents like red headed step children, and I don't think there is a single shot where I didn't try my hardest.

I just got beat.

When I was in debating, there is no one who wanted to debate me before the final round, but most of my "peers" knew that I could never win in the final. Why? I can't close. On the first tee, in front of a crowd, I hit it into the rough. Nerves of paper mache.

With two holes left, after climbing back from three down after nine, and with the possibility of victory in sight, I hit it into the trees, and then hit it from the trees to more trees behind the green. I hit it purposefully OFF a cart path to scramble to bogie. My opponent made a boring par on top of my miracle bogie. One down.

On 18th, after I watched my opponent hit it into the trees, I hit it into the trees on the other side. I hit a nutter (from the trees) 230 yards to position A while he was kicking it around in the rough. I missed a straight 20' for birdie, and watched as he poured in a 19' downhill slider for par to beat me. The crowd clapped politely.

I clenched my teeth and smiled, congratulating him on his victory. I hate losing. I wanted to murder someone. I was mad. For the first time in about five years, I was really mad.

I got beat. I choked. And while I didn't let the team down, I feel like i let myself down because someone who is clearly a better golfer than I am managed to beat me on the last hole by sinking a hail mary.

Maybe the curse is finally starting to go away after all.

Stop Being a Dick

Its the second article, stupid

Now, I'm not an expert but...

To suggest that the Vice President is not subject to an executive order to submit information because his is a legislative office rather than part of the executive is pretty much the dumbest thing I have heard this week. I understand that this is a vast over simplification of the issue, but ultimately, they are hanging their hat on the fact the the VP breaks ties once a year. I mean, from "time to time" the President speaks to Congress, does that make his a legislative office?

The simplest question is if the VP was a legislative office, why would he even have information that was subject to the Archives' Information Security Oversight Office? How did he get it? Stole it from George's desk? Executive advisors are subject to rules pertaining to executive privilege. I guess Dick doesn't advise anymore? He sits in Cabinet for shits and giggles.

If we turn to the federalist papers, there is no mention of the Vice Presidency as anything other than the person who breaks ties and becomes the president if the current one can't do it anymore. Inferring the current view from the conventional role and the historic development of the office is - to be blunt - a wildly active (oh, the irony) expansion of the office. If this issue is resolved judicially - and it might be because of the stubborness of the players involved - I can't wait for the slap down that the Roberts court will hand out.

The largest issue here is the swagger with which Dick taunts Congress. When he was in a majority position, that would have worked. Dick was very important to majority leadership. Not so much anymore. But, very much like his norther cousin, he is governing like he has a majority.

Frankly, I kind of like the idea of having a "shadow" government. Especially when the existing government is such a total clusterfuck. Given that the constitution notes that the Office of Vice President is elected the same way that the President is, can we assume that this Vice President will even leave office when the next President is sworn in?

But, what can we expect from a President who has so much disdain for the constitution, that he is considering a run for a third term.

More than Met the Eye

I can't begin to explain how great the Transformers was.

Very much like FF's rise of the Silver Surfer, you had to stop thinking about the plot and just sit back and enjoy the carnage- and there was a lot of it. Yes, there was some comic idiocy at the very end - and yes, it looked they accidentally editted out an entire sequence that would explain the ability of the desert soldiers to just take over.

I loved the fact that the Humans could actually hurt the transformers- I was never too sure about that from the original Cartoon.

I am not at all upset about the product placement.

I am not at all upset about the cheezy tacked on love-plot.

I am not at all upset about the fact that "the all spark" looked like a borg cube. In fact, I loved the fact that the only apparently violation of the space/matter issue which plagued the transformers in the past was the all spark.

I loved it.

I wish there was an Ointment for History

If Danny Williams tried to stop traffic on the 401 with a gun, he would get shot- possibly by the Prime Minister himself.

Two weeks ago, I didn't give a hoot about this issue. I figured it would lapse into abeyance the way it has for the past five years. A friend of mine sat across from me in my office and said "They are walking around with frickin' guns" and my response was "Meh."

Then over a long weekend - a select few of militants decided to close down the 401 for 12 hours. While brandishing weapons. I know they aren't representative of their "whole" community, but in many aspects - they speak to the problem.

There are two general comments I have to make before I look like a total cracker:

1) Anyone who thinks they can arrest traffic with (likely) illegal semi-automatic weapons deserves to go to prison, or, heaven forbid, get shot by the police. I don't care if you tell the cops you are going to do it or not- interrupt the lives of an ordinary citizen at the barrel of a gun at your peril. You will soon see the business end of the same.

2) If any other group tried to do the same thing, they would have been ejected from the scene, with or without an extra couple pounds of lead in their torso. The double standard was offensive to me, and it should be offensive to aboriginals.

That said, let me also provide the following statement so you don't think I am the biggest Luddite in the world. I honestly believe that as a people (if you can even categorize aboriginals as such) aboriginal Canadians have gotten the rawest deal in the history of raw deals. Notwithstanding the fact that around the world there are millions, if not billions, of people who have had their cultures disrupted by colonialism (yet another thing I blame squarely on the British) the way that Natives have been "handled" by Canada relative to other Canadians is deplorable. They deserve better. When compared to aboriginals in say Newfoundland, or Iowa, or Mexico - they are literally lucky to be alive, but that is not relevant - it is just a sticky truth that most people like to gloss over.

Aboriginal self government is not the answer. Accept this view as culturally insensitive, but there is nothing more corrupt in Canada than the current administrative structure on reserves. On average, people in Canada whose job title is "Chief" make a living that is above and beyond that which ordinary Canadians could ever hope to earn.

To put it bluntly, reserves are, in effect, third world countries within the most shining example of a first world nation. Leaders squander the resources allocated to the governed by the Government (yes, that is typed correctly) to feather their own nests and then beg (deliberate word choice) for more money for their people. Dude- do you really need a brand new Ford F-150 every year?

Don't take my word for it - look to the courts. There is a reason why the vast majority of leading cases for recounts, voter fraud, election irregularities and electorate bribery are all decided by the Federal Court, wink wink. There are corrupt practices going on at a rampant pace, and it both to protect the bounty that exists, and to attempt to seize it from others. Isolated bands with little access to what we would describe as conventional "justice" rely on their elected chiefs to provide them with support, guidance and the bare necessities of life. The control over those resources is power - and it is lorded over the governed at the ballot box.

That said - outside of education and health care - the annual budget for DINO/INAC is over 1.5 billion dollars based on the auditor general's 2004 annual report. Now, I am not an expert, but if you wrote a cheque to every status indian for their "share" of that money, they could all retire quite comfortably on Vancouver island. There are bureaucratic "self government" interests at play as well, no doubt.

"Status" indian is another wigwam altogether. An individual's "status" is based on a denominator fraction of your parentage recognized by treaties entered into by the "government" at the time. Personally, I am offended that any element of domestic policy in 2007 is based on British foreign policy prior to 1867.

So, of course, I don't have the perfect solution. Trudeau and Chretien were the closest in 1969, and in so doing, they recognized that there is no ointment for history (I just coined that myself). At some point you have to rip off the band aid and let the cut heal.

Bribery is not the answer - which is what Jim Prentice ostensibly did in Manitoba- peace in exchange for 75 acres of "prime" Manitoba real estate. Easy solution this time - on Montreal island- not so much. And, trust me when I say- they will be back.

Massive cash payments to "bands" in trust for the aggrieved just shifts the dispossessed and creates a different set of problems. Putting a price on the seizure of lands and disrupting a lifestyle which can never be recaptured is asinine. A piecemeal approach where each band leverages off of the last judicially approved settlement is just stupid.

Yes- we have to suck it up. Yes - we have to admit that we made mistakes, and then compounded them for generations. Yes - we have to understand that there are currently obligations, fiduciary ones at that, that must be part of any "solution." and YES - I understand that any solution will undoubtedly be seen as patronizing. Deal with it.

Admissions are a good thing. Maybe we should admit that the sum of our collective past wrongs do not provide for an excuse to avoid dealing with a REAL problem. Rather than continuing to compound the egregious errors of history by placating aboriginals with the bribery of self government as the federal government defines it - maybe we should allow aboriginals to self government the same way that I have it. Regional municipalities with delegated authority pursuant to the division of powers under sections 91 and 92 of the Constitution.

Of course, no one would ever accept it - unless they had to. One thing I have learned about Ottawa is that conventions are only conventions until they stop being conventions. What was a hard and fast rule yesterday, changes with the resolve of a single leader to stand up and say something is wrong.

The politician who proposes it has my vote- does s/he have yours?