Courting MPs

Over the past month, there has been a lot of idiocy on the Hill about what is/not acceptable behaviour in the House of Commons. While debating the relative merits and politeness of debate might be interesting to those inside the beltway (for Ottawa, this stretches from Sandy Hill, across the 417 North to the Parkway) it really is up to the voters to decide who is being polite and who isn't.

Above, or below, the minutiae of the debate is the actual business of government. At the risk of sounding sexist, let me tell you how some of the work on the Hill has devolved to a form akin to the perils of a 15 year old boy looking for love.

The Tease: A certain MP whose boyfriend's name may rhyme with "blow me" is notorious for accepting meetings then canceling them within a 24 hour window, and usually via voicemail at 8:00 PM. The 15 year old thinks he has a date, tells all his friends, and has his heart broken after paying $600 to fly in to Ottawa for the day. Once, understandable. Twice, unfortunate. Countless experiences by multiple different industry groups and associations- bizarre indeed.

The Avoider: I would love to meet with you, call me! Then the fifteen year old calls, writes, sends emails and doesn't even get an answer about the promised date.

The Waffler: Sure, I would love too- how about Tuesday at 1:00. (Ten minutes later) Can't make Tuesday, how about Wednesday at 8:00. (The next day) 8:00 is no good- how about fifteen minutes in the lobby? (An hour before the meeting) Can you come back tomorrow? The fifteen year old just breaks down and cries- especially when he sees the girl sitting on a bench feeding pigeons by herself during their first scheduled time to meet.

The most popular girl in school: I can give you six minutes at 12:18.

The Liar: She has a date with the 15 year old and it goes perfectly, they get on fabulously, and there is a promise of other dates. And within hours of the date, the girl stands up in front of all of her other friends, saying that she went on the date, and that the 15 year old is horrible and is generally bad.

The uninformed gossip: I would love to meet with you, call me. Then the fifteen year old calls, writes, sends emails while the girl is avoiding him and standing up and telling her friends how evil the 15 year old is.

And finally, the Prom Queen: I was supposed to have a date with her yesterday, and dammit if some smooth talking foreigner didn't swoop in and mess up my chances Viva la Mexique. When you get the date, it doesn't actually matter how good it was- you just make sure you get a picture to show your friends.

Seriously, there are a lot of MPs who are really good at their jobs and they truly are busy- I get it - I worked there too and a lot of my closest friends work(ed) on the Hill- and many of whom regularly visit this blog. I honestly believe that they (the little sister) can be a huge help to 15 year olds, or the biggest source of malaise for the 15 year old. Some of them realize that their sister is popular and can be picky. Others think their sister is a way bigger fish than she is, and intentionally screw with 15 year old boys. The best little sisters realize which 15 year olds are good, and make sure that they get dates. I like them a lot.