Deck the Hill with bows of Folly

At a menorah lighting ceremony in Ottawa Monday, the Prime Minister noted that energy intensity is the solution to all of Canada's environmental woes. "If only Canada could get eight days of light out of single drop of oil - It is by improving our energy intensity that we will reduce our GHG emissions."

ENGO critics of the Harper government said "it is a miracle that Harper is talking about the environment, but it will take more than divine intervention to make Canada reduce its anthropogenic releases 6 percent below its 1990 emission levels."

Liberal Leader Stephane Dion praised Santa Claus for his environmental policies - noting that only a true Liberal, Red outfit and all, could use so little energy to go all the way around the world. "In tha' fog," Dion quipped, "Rudolph guides the way with his Red Light. The Red Liberal light." Former leadership rivals all agreed.

Jack Layton, sitting around the festivus poll, noted that Santa Claus was just as bad as Harper and the Liberals. "In terms of the environment, Harper deserves coal in his stocking, but knowing him, he would just burn it." Commenting on the opulence of Parliament, Layton mused "Maybe if everyone in Canada cut its Christmas light decorations in half we wouldn't waste so much energy?"

Elizabeth May, the Federal Green Party Leader, is also not a fan of the yuletide season. "Given the climate change phenomenon, this isn't the Green Christmas I was hoping for," she was heard saying at a recent rally. All she wants for Christmas is her two front seats at the next leadership debates.

Finally, Gilles Duceppe, speaking at a rally in St. Agathe, said that all Quebeckers/quois should believe in Santa. "Le Pere Noel," he said, "a apportez l'esprit du saison en 2006." While Gilles didn't get his 50% plus one in the last federal election that he asked for, he figures that as long as he has a job, no other party will get a majority - and that, he says, "is the greatest Christmas present of all to Quebeckers/quois."

The New Hampshire Secondary

You are looking at the home of "Gore 2008" in Manchester, New Hampshire. It has a nice venue, and is right across the street from the University and adjacent to the sports facility. There is a "Chili's" Rib shack one block up.

In 2000, the last "open" primary, there was almost $50 Million dollars spent by the major campaigns in a state that has 1.2 million people living in it. And that is the money that was recorded, and doesn't include incidentals like food, bribes and all the other day to day expenses that every good campaign incurs. For context - that is LESS than was spent on Ohio in the last presidential election. You know, that state that determined the winner between Kerry (D - War Hero) and Bush (R - War Zero)?

Having spent the past weekend in New England, I can say three things without any trepidation what-so-ever:

1) New Hampshire is exactly like Ontario north of the Highway 7 - white, underdeveloped, and full of Moose;
2) New Hampshire is hardly representative of America, let alone New England; and
3) I feel sorry for professional politicians who have to defeat New Hampshire like the Boss at the end of level two of Double Dragon before moving onto bigger battles.

Recent history has marred New Hampshire as the "Presidential Selector" - recent "winners" include Buchanan (R - Soviet Canuckistan) and McCain (R - Hanoi). It does, however, have a state law that requires it to have its primary first. The Democrats have skirted their way around this one by having their Nevada Primary (not the "full" primary) right before it.

Even a fake President on TV (Bartlett (D - Sheen should run as Bartlett) finished third in the 1996 NBC - primary despite being the current Governor of the state everyone else had to fly to) didn't win the New Hampshire primary and still won the White House. His successor was critical of the process - being a Latino from Texas (D - LA Law) had nothing to do with it.

NBC's actual point was one that I have made myself, though without the Prime Time budget - the New Hampshire Primary a) openly favours white candidates and b) is not a true indicator of the National Mood or values.

On the one hand, maybe a pie eating contest would be more effective. On the other hand, I would love to watch Barrack Obama (D - Not ready yet - slooooooow down) go huntin' moose - to prove just how folksy he can be. Being President is about so much more than the smartest guy in the room, and sometimes, you don't even need to be that - it is about small town politics.

There are about 15 important people in New Hampshire- and they all control a list of names. The New Hampshire primary is all about grassroots political movements. If it was timed at any other point in the Calendar it would be about as important as Delaware's primary. Circular logic? Absolutely - but it is necessary to vet out candidates on an intimate level and it might as well be rooted in tradition. Besides, if you can't get to level three of Double Dragon, what good are you?

Do you want to be the guy who suggests we put those 15 people out of work before you know if they are, uh...required, knowing that they will just be replaced by 15 other people from Iowa?

You think they are safe?

I TOLD YOU!!!

In other news, the Prime Minister is now blaming the Liberal Senate for holding up Christmas.

Christmas comes early for someone

You can't swing a dead cat in Ottawa this morning without hitting some journalist pretending that he/she is Kreskin and predicting that there is going to be a Cabinet shuffle.

In a totally unrelated story, Gerard Kennedy can't dance. He reminds me of George McFly at the enchantment under the sea ball. White man overbite and all.

Anyhoo, so the most media speculation is about Rona Ambrose. I know that she is smart and while I will personally disagree with her on a lot of issues, her problems have been longstanding and totally unrelated to her as a Minister, competent or otherwise.

In a totally unrelated story, Bob Mills (C- Red Deer), former environment critic and Chair of the Standing Committee on the Environment and Sustainable Development, a man who has lived and breathed the Environment file for years (as a critic and a private citizen) is not on the special House of Commons committee that has been tasked with examining the Clean Air Act.

What? I can't imagine why.

Poor Rona - I would say I felt sorry for her, but I don't - even though it isn't her fault. First of all, she is totally hamstrung by her party's policy or lack thereof. Compounded with a credibility issue that has dogged conservatives around the world, it just makes her government's position that much harder to articulate, let alone manage. It is so easy to say "BigoilBigoilBigoil" in a split second and everyone nods in agreement.

Secondly, it is a crappy job and someone has to do it. Luckily for her, since she was appointed, it has mostly been the PMO. This is not limited to her portfolio, but it is the best example on record.

Thirdly, she gets pushed around. She wanted to regulate certain sectors, and she got "Whap-fucked" by seemingly unrelated portfolios who were looking out for constituents. They were right to do it, mind you, but maybe they should have met in the hall for a few minutes to let her in on it.

Separate and apart from all of the above - the department is horrible and it has been since Christine Stewart (L - Got out while the Getting was good) was in it. The problem can be described two ways - the Deputies of the past have thought they set policy, and they get their inspiration from underlings who are "true believers" at all costs. The other problem is that every other department goes out of its way to piss on environment's rug, which fuels the first problem. I remember sitting at a meeting with Dion and Samy Watson where Dr. Watson (PHD in education???) cut off his own Minister, yelled at him and stormed out of the room. He wasn't fired.

The attitude stems from the fact that the aforementioned true believers also believe that everyone is out to get them and they have to fiercely protect the globe. Maybe it is true - God knows I am a skeptic of most of the pablum they pass off as sound science and balanced policy.

It's the Environment, stupid

I have decided that most of the stuff that I had to say about the convention have either a) already been said by people who get paid to say it and b) aren't really all that interesting. Maybe I will dish a little about what a pot-head Justin Trudeau is later.

Stephane Dion is half French. I don't care, and neither should you. Turner was half-English and it was considered traditional and interesting. Sorry, I meant to say that both are also citizens of other countries. I think multi-culturalism and multi-nationalism go hand in hand, no?

Stephane Dion has totally screwed the Green Party, and has probably screwed the NDP because of his long standing legitimacy on the Environment file.

Friday, the Government announced his plan on the categorization response - the re-assessment of 23,000 toxic substances that were 'in commerce' at the time of the first CEPA review in 1993-96. The correct response should have been - what took so long? We were going to do this before you ruined our perfect little government. Dion also has the advantage of making fun of the government for what is on the list - for example - How is Vitamin A PBiT?

That is the real advantage he has- he has hands on experience with almost every regulatory file the government has. Why? He sat on EVERY cabinet committee because he was that smart. The current gang of swash-bucklers (get it?) aren't. Maybe Harper and Prentice are, but they haven't been doing this since 1996- at least not from inside the room.

He is very much like Gore- who is the only credible politician in the US on environmental issues as far as I am concerned. And that is where the battle will be faught- at some point in the very near future the US polis is going to get "on side" on this issue. Popular opinion changes on a dime in the US once it reaches the tipping point- and then it is like a waterfall. Climate change is the next issue to get to that tipping point now that even the President is aware of the abismal failure in Iraq.

Gore is on the correct side of the tipping arguement, like Kennedy was on the correct side of civil rights. Dion is standing alongside him.

But is he electable? God, how do we even measure that these days? I suppose it depends on who is he going to be running against and where? I don't think that in any of the seats that are in play in 2007 the question on the ballot is going to be "Do you trust Stephane?" I think the question on the ballot will be "What best represents your values?"

On the East Coast, the Liberals are probably going to lose at least two seats anyway - Binns and Lord will win their seats. The rest? God only knows - but it should be known that Dion did not have that many eastern delegates.

In Quebec, this is going to be an issue- but when compared to Harper and Duceppe, Dion fares pretty well actually. Plus, who better to deal with Premier (shudder) Boisclair?

In Ontario- don't count out the "cracker assed cracker" view of not supporting someone who doesn't speak English, but I can't imagine the Liberals losing any seats. I am not sure how that would be possible given that the two SAFEST seats in Ontario are already Tory (Ottawa Orleans and Glengary Prescott Boudria) and the NDP's pick-ups are really not their seats to begin with. Can we have them back please? Thank you.

In the prairies, Liberals are actually listed under SARA

BC - where time and time again the most important issue is the environment. 36 seats, with 11 New Democrats and 17 Tories (ten of whom are as safe as could possibly be). 18 seats in play. Let the fun begin.

Not Convention related

Effective 12 Noon tomorrow, I will be more heavily regulated than guns.

"Guns don't kill people, Lobbyists kill people."

"Which Lobbyist is mine? It's the one that says Bad Mutha Fucker on it."

Liberal Convention #2 - Delay, Delay, Delay - and it isn't Tom

The good news is that we only had to call 911 twice, and once it was because John Turner was having a stroke during his speech. I am on the longest conference call I have ever been on and figured I could squeeze out another post on the convention.

Attendees at the convention complained about just about everything, but on Friday the number one complaint was the line-ups and the "lack of organization." Let me state uncategorically that this was not the fault of the people organizing the convention - it can only be blamed on the FOUR LEADING CANDIDATES and their decision to lie to their volunteers. Let me explain...

I will admit, there were a lot of line-ups. People tend to line up for things. In this case, many of the people lining up had no expectation of getting anything- at least they shouldn't have had one.

There were two things to line-up for: "Bump-ups" on Friday morning and voting on Friday night. The bump up process involved filling the spots for delegates who were not able to attend with otherwise eligible volunteers/alternates. There were people from each campaign for every one of the 308 ridings and demographically exempted groups. There were not positions for all of them.

So why the fuck were they there? Well, I suspect that for the most part it was because they were tricked into attending by the campaigns who were trying to create a buzz on the convention floor. I imagine the conversation went something like - "I promise that you can get a spot as a voting delegate. Oh, you can't get a spot? I'm sorry, why don't you hang out with us until the end?"

The extra thousand people applying for positions they couldn't possibly win added a logistical hurdle that was not entirely expected. To that end, the completed voters list was not available until they were all processed. While they were processed, they had to wait. Tough. Shit. The fault rests with the CAMPAIGNS who lied to these people to get them there to begin with. The worst offender was Mr. Kennedy's campaign.

For the record, if you can't come to the convention, maybe you shouldn't have run as a delegate? Ok, maybe a dude here or a lady there had to drop out at the last minute, but come on, there were 1200 plus people waiting in line! I would posit that one in 15 people who applied to be bumped up got in as a voting delegate? Maybe one in 20? And, by the way, the observers fee was not insignificant.

So, after a day of waiting around to be processed, the campaigns crammed everyone up against the walls of the voting room EARLIER than the pre-determined schedule provided. Why? Vote early, vote often, and then make sure you are in the convention room for our speech. Well when 4,600 people show up to vote at 3 PM when the list hasn't even been completed yet because way too many people showed up to be bumped-up, it created havoc.

The polls finally opened at around 4:30 - and people were mad at the organizers. At seven o'clock, you could have fired a cannon through the voting room. The polls were open until 10:10. In the meantime it was a total gong show because the CAMPAIGNS pushed their people through the lines earlier than they had to.

It should also be mentioned that on the first ballot, there were 14 different ballots depending on who you were a delegate for. Administrative hurdles were added as delegates trying to commit fraud were caught doing so. Bad delegates. Bad CAMPAIGNS for trying to commit fraud.

Sadly, many delegates/observers saw the Friday of the convention as a strong rationale for the One person/One vote proposition. Bah, Flim-shaw I say - all that would do is create 308 separate gong shows. The whole mess was solved on Saturday when, after dealing with the first ballot, and with only one thing to vote on, the voting went much more smoothly. By the last ballot, it took less than 40 minutes.

Liberal Convention #1 - Play Ball-ott

I apologize in advance for the way my convention analysis is going to trickle out. Attending the convention was great, but it has caused the work to pile up on my desk, not to mention create work for me to do. This process will take a few weeks - sorry, I don't get paid to do this...yet.

Suffice it to say that Mr. Dion (L - My dog's name is Kyoto) wasn't my first choice personally, but I am very happy with the result. Mr. Dion is probably the...most challenging in terms of the direct interests of the people I represent. Sustainable Develoment is an industry term, or at least it was before Saturday night.

That said, I am going to post, in ascending order of importance, my observations and analysis to the key events as I saw them. In some cases, I saw things on TV like everyone else. In other cases, I was a little closer.

BALLOTS should not be the exact same colour as the signs, hats, and other propaganda of one of the remaining candidates.

As it turns out, it probably didn't have an impact as the result for the final ballot was predetermined 19 minutes after the second one. If it had been a little closer, I would have raised holy hell if I was counsel to the Iggy team. They didn't. Good on them.

I am not saying that the decision to have the ballots that colour was reversible error. Far from it. I am saying that a nice Teal or Purple would have been fine.