Simon says change the rules

The NHL has proclaimed 25 games for Simple Simon. People debate whether it is too hard or too soft - I am just glad that the guy who got the ax-handle across the nose is still alive. I hope that Executive Assistant District Attorney McCoy doesn't go easy on him.

I have always been a sports fan. I have always played a lot of sports. I have always thought there are stupid rules. I give you now a short collection of rule changes I think should be made to make the game fairier.

In all leagues - if you break the rules of the game and injure a player on the other team, in addition to whatever fate the league decides, your suspension should last as long as the player you injured is out of the game. The fact that Todd Bertuzzi is allowed to play hockey while the young player he partially paralyzed is just barely getting around on his own is a crime against humanity. Hatchet jobs and extreme violence have no place in sports. Period. This idea is bascially the application of the Thin Skull Rule to the internal rules of professional sports - meaning that you take your victim as you find him, and regardless of your intent to harm them (I only wanted to cut him, not kill him) you are responsible for the ramifications of your tortious act. But for your stupidity, Mr. Moore would still be in the league today.

Critics will say "But, Mr. Moore is going to sue Bertuzzi for bagillions, isn't this just compounding the punishment." The answer is: YES, stop being a goon. Leagues have all kinds of rules that compliment existing structures - like a strong anti-drug policy - and it is there right to do so. If you want to play hockey, you have to play it our way. Stop trying to hurt people you animal.

In Baseball: We need to get rid of the designated hitter rule. Not because it gives an unfair advantage to the National league in the World Series (NL pitchers hit about 0.190 instead of .185 - insert rolling eyes here) but because it causes injuries to pitchers and often better performances are cut loose for the marginal advantage that substituting a pitch hitter can have in tight situations.

We also need to revisit how we look at the perfect game. An error should not blemish a perfect game. In my view a perfect game should be distuinguished froma no-hitter, and that you can be able to thrown one despite giving up hits. A perfect game, by my definition, is one where you get face 27 batters out you get them all out. It doesn't matter when it happens - as long as they are all out at the end of the game. For example, if the third baseman makes an error allowing for a batsman to get to first, and the next batter hits into a double play - I believe the perfect game should remain intact.

Finally, if a pitcher wants to walk a guy, he should just say "Go to first." As if baseball games aren't long enough already.

In Football: Sudden death overtime is stupid as the majority of games I have seen are won on the first possession. Let them play a full five minutes.

In Hockey: Why is a victory in overtime worth less than a victory in regular time? Every other major sport says a win is a win.

In Basketball: We need to alow zone defence in the NBA. If for no other reason that everyone in the league is already using it, and the refs have to make ridiculous distinctions about what technically constitutes a zone. Limiting defensive options is not going to make play any less spectacular - and it is in the teams' best interests. The players they scout to play the pivot have just spent 20 years of their lives playing zone defence and standing under the basket. Now, with no prior training, they have to play man to man? I don't care who your scout is, there is no one who can effectively judge a guy at a position he has never played.

And finally, and probably the most contentious, we need to do away with the automatic berths for "conference champions" into the NCAA championship tournament. There is no universe where "Jackson State," the Southwestern Athletic Conference champions, deserve a berth in the tournament over a team like Syracuse or Florida State who play top ranked teams week in and week out. These smaller conference winners always push out ten teams that are significantly better. This isn't to say that the smaller conference teams can't compete - far from it as Gonzaga has repeatedly proven - this is to say that they should earn their way in the same way that everyone else does. By being the best in the nation over the course of an entire year- not the best in a small region over the course of a week long tournament.