The greatest story ever told

Ok, maybe not- but I thought it was funny - and wanted to get it down on "paper" before I forgot it like so many of my other tales of woe.

About a month ago, I was out to dinner with a client. We were at the Chateau Laurier. It was empty. Really empty. There was one other table around the corner.

I should note, that an important part of this story is that I have a voice that carries. An empty room makes it worse. Its my voice - it isn't my fault.

After talking about "issues" for the better part of an hour, my client and I started talking about politics. He is an American. He knew nothing about Canada. Explaining a bicameral legislative branch that has executive members sitting in it with no clear idea of when the election would be was...challenging.

As was describing the last election and the 13 years before it. He asked me about the "key issues."

Without delving too much into it I gave him the best thumbnail sketch I could. The five priorities - and how, to be frank, none of them had anything to do with his issues. Let me clearly note that, I have NO love for Paul Martin (L - Hero, saviour, sputtle, dither, crash - not the next Jesus, the last guy was, and you crucified him you jackass.) I think he was incompetent as a Prime Minister, and got way too much credit for following orders as Finance Minister. But, I was delicate in my answer "so why did he lose."

My answer was as honest as I could be without maligning the man or his team (of which I was briefly a part- which my client knew). I said, that it was "time for a change," the tories controlled the campaign agenda, and the tides were against him. Concluding with my summary of "sponsorship" which was that his predecessor allowed for an elaborate criminal syndicate to be run through the PMO.

Tough, but fair.

My client chuckled, and we had some more wine.

Then I saw a guy having dessert. He had an earpiece. He wasn't paying too much attention to us, but I knew he didn't fit in.

The other table at the restaurant got up to leave. The depressed booths made it impossible for me to see who was sitting there. As each successive guest left, I felt my heart sink lower and lower as they looked at me, smiling, as they walked away. I recognized all of them, but didn't know any of them by name.

Until the last guest came around the corner. It was Paul Martin.

He had the biggest shit eating grin on his face I had ever seen. I didn't even look at him, but he stopped - recognized me (or at least pretended to) - introduced himself (without title) to my client and kibbitzed for a few moments. Long enough to show he knew me (or pretended to).

"Who was that," my American client asked, honestly.

"The guy who inherited the criminal syndicate I referred to earlier," I allowed to escape my lips. As I explained, my client just got more and more impressed- knowing that the PM had come over to our table without being called to stop in and say hello. What I knew was that Martin had heard every word. And, it was probably the most charitable description of the 2006 election that was out there. My client went bananas- if for no other reason that he is American - where an ex-president is a pretty big fuckin' deal. I know I can see Joe Clark (Progressive Conservative, 1979) at the Mirage every second Monday.

The next day, every interaction with his colleagues started with "I met the former Prime Minister last night" and "our consultants really are that juiced in" (which isn't really true, but I am not going to piss on that rope. Fiction is better than truth anyway, right?)

But the lesson learned is that some politicians know the game. Without knowing it, I really did Martin a favour. Hearing me talk about his legacy that way was good for him. He paid me back by saying hello - cost to him NOTHING. Benefit to me - in real terms NOTHING. In perceived terms - priceless.

Epilogue:

I saw him at an airport last night. His RCMP "detail" was so scrawny I don't think he could stop a school bus with a railway crossing. He looked older, tired and exasperated. Spent.

But, every once and awhile I remember what a great politician he was. Truth be told- he did what many other Liberal leaders did - rounded up everyone who wasn't inside the tent of the current liberal party, and told them he would make them whole. Albeit briefly.