Chritmas Cheer, 2010

An updated version of a story I wrote in 2006!

At a menorah lighting ceremony in Ottawa Monday, the Prime Minister noted that energy intensity is the solution to all of Canada's environmental woes. "If only Canada could get eight days of light out of single drop of oil - It is by improving our energy intensity that we will reduce our GHG emissions."Negotiations in Cancun continued without the participation of Canada's Part time Minister of the Environment.

ENGO critics of the Harper government said "it is a miracle that Harper is talking about the environment, but it will take more than divine intervention to make Canada reduce its anthropogenic releases 6 percent below its 1990 emission levels."

Liberal Leader Michael Ignatieff praised Santa Claus for his environmental policies - noting that only a true Liberal, Red outfit and all, could use so little energy to go all the way around the world. "This is a true Canadian," Ignatieff added, noting that while ordinarily a resident in Canada (at the North Pole), he has done a lot of work in other countries like the US and the UK.

Jack Layton, sitting around the festivus poll, noted that Santa Claus was just as bad as Harper and the Liberals. "In terms of the environment, Harper deserves coal in his stocking, but knowing him, he would just burn it." Commenting on the opulence of Parliament, Layton mused "Maybe if everyone in Canada cut its Christmas light decorations in half we wouldn't waste so much energy?"

Conservatives responded that the last thing anyone in Canada wants is a coalition government.

Elizabeth May, the Federal Green Party Leader, is also not a fan of the yuletide season. "Given the climate change phenomenon, this isn't the Green Christmas I was hoping for," she was heard saying at a recent rally of herself and her executive assistant. All she wants for Christmas is someone to remember who the hell she is.

Finally, Gilles Duceppe, speaking at a rally in St. Agathe, said that all Quebeckers/quois should believe in Santa. "Le Pere Noel," he said, "a apportez l'esprit du saison en 2010." He figures that as long as he has a job, no other party will get a majority - and that, he says, "is the greatest Christmas present of all to Quebeckers/quois."