And the Father becomes the Son

Live as one of them, Kal-El

The fact that Liam was adopted by a physician assistant's family hundreds of miles from his birthplace -- a stable family with the knowledge and means to give him all the food, nurturing, horseplay and love he needs to thrive -- might be the most miraculous part of his story.


Alleged birthplace is more like it. The only thing missing from this story is the fact that he is afraid of green rocks.

He will look like one of them. His dense molecular structure will make him strong. He'll be fast. Virtually invulnerable. He will not be alone. He will never be alone.

As long as we never hear the words "Come before me, Son of Jor El, and kneel before ZOD!"

Death to Americans, but not to America

I saw Death of a President on the weekend. It was good. It was, actually, really scary.

For me, it was a reminder that the rule of law is still, sadly, only as strong as the resolve of the man/woman who holds the authority under it. When that resolve is weak, usual protocols are ignored which may save a life (lives) or worse still - undermine the rule entirely.

The film did an excellent job of reminding me of two things - America, despite is fluid composition and growing Muslim populations is still rabidly anti-Muslim in its exacting application of the law. It is as if, through fiction, we are reminded of how imprecise the most deliberate and documented processes are. No matter how many times you tell a border guard "skin tone is not probable cause" it still seems to end up that way. That may not seem like insight to you, but when was the last time you actually noticed someone getting harassed by a cop and thought, "I wonder if is has anything to do with...hey, look a squirrel with a puffy tail." Chances are it is starting to filter down into your subconscious and soon, you won't even notice it anymore.

The second thing the film reminded me of was just how frail the rule of law is. One bullet, total anarchy until someone can find a federal court judge. Maybe we should just appoint a federal court judge to follow the VP around. That said, the more "official" reports I read/see about 9/11, the more I see things that the VP ordered - and I wonder to myself - "under what constitutional authority does this guy get to do anything but break ties?"

Reflecting on the film, I asked myself "Self, it seems that most of the time the U.S. is just rolling with the punches, and it never seems to be prepared to respond to anything?"

Of course, like former CIA Director Porter Goss once said "You never know when we succeed, just when we don't." Of course, that isn't true, we just don't find out for 50 years.

Government ingenuity is selective in its efficiency - the Americans have always been very successful at immediately devising and implementing new ways of killing lots of people. I am reminded that it took just 34 months for the Manhattan Project to progress from the creation of the town of Oak Ridge in the Tennessee wilderness to the atomic explosion at Alamogordo, N.M.

That is what America accomplishes when it is serious.

So, what does it accomplish when it isn't serious?

As if we needed more proof...

More evidence that evolution never loses

Endangered, indeed.

I would like to renew my call for the cull. We have to get them before they get us.

Life's Changes

Last Friday I was depressed. When I as 20, I would have gotten hammered and done horrible things to my body. Friday? I played golf, and went carpet shopping. Two glasses of wine later, I was ready for bed. Granted, those two glasses probably cost more than the 20 beers I would have killed a decade ago.

This weekend, I went away. It used to be when I went away, it would involved drinking myself into a hole and subsequently pulling myself out of it. This weekend? I exfoliated.

I guess I am just getting on. That said, I have always seen myself as the open minded-liberal type- until this weekend I was told that I was racist (indirectly, of course.) It is, apparently, racist to order brown toast. "Around here," she said, "we have whole wheat toast. We don't label things by colo(u)r."

Ridiculous. They still sell Wonder White bread, of course.

One pole the Government didn't follow

More Brilliance from the Government

1) Why can't they just pay a head tax like everyone else?

2) How will Canada ever win Miss Universe again?

3) I thought the whole point of immigration was to fill holes in the economy efficiently?

4) Under the current laws, the onus is on strip club owners to prove there is a shortage of Canadian dancers each time they apply to bring in a foreign exotic dancer.

Shortage? Can there ever be enough?

5) This is the first time the new government has protected any domestic industry, no matter how undomesticated it is.

Okay, seriously - This is so stupid it is ridiculous. What problem is actually being solved with this policy?

For some time, I have been categorically opposed to the peeler industry. I have made a voluntary decision to not go to these establishments- but never will I judge those who elect to do so. I just don't want to.

There are a lot of reasons, many of them parroted by the government in its policy. The difference, of course is that my views are my own, and don't represent the views of her majesty. I know that there is exploitation occurring, and I just don't see the value in these establishments. Talk to me when I am 50 and lonely - but in the meantime, I know that these women can, at least theoretically, walk off the stage any time they want to - but I also know, that they can't.

The relative virtues of feminism aside, I can make an equally compelling argument on either side of the equation about how these establishments are bad for women. They offer choice and empowerment - but ultimately, they offer a choice to parade as a sexual object.

Aside for the blatant unconstitutionality of this idea on its face, notwithstanding the haphazard precision the government is using for "protecting" these women, and putting aside for a second that a Conservative government is denying the option of choice for individuals - how on earth are they every going to enforce it? God, so I say she is a nanny on the application form. Wow.

That said - instead of shortening hospital wait times, they are increasing the length of wait times for dances by women dressed like a nurse. Priorities people.

You know who Disco Dirk is not?

Nuff Said.

Most Valuable Putz

What a stupid decision

I have always believed that in order to be the MVP, your team would have to advance farther than the first round of the playoffs.

I know why he won the award, it was because the balloting was completely finished before the Mavericks were unceremoniously bounced from the playoffs by the upstart Golden State Warriors. To be fair, this is why the NHL awards are handed out after the Cup has been won. It is probably the only thing that the NHL does right.

To be fair, Disco Dirk is a great player- he just has a really thin neck in the playoffs, if you know what I mean. He was totally useless in the playoffs. Disco Dirk does not, however, have the same leadership or ability to change the game that Nash or Shaq has. Christ, I would even vote for Kobe before this clown. Dirk should win "best shooting forward who can compliment other great players" award.

For those you keeping score- this will be the fourth year in a row that the MVP of the league didn't win the championship. Tim Duncan being the last to get both a ring and this thing.

By the way, my doubles to birdie ratio is still positive (five over the weekend compared to three doubles). The official tally begins May 17th.

Duceppeticons, RETREAT - RETREAT!!!

I can only picture a stunned Soundwave picking himself up off the ground and flying away without his energon.

Emasculated can't even begin to describe the way Gilles Duceppe must feel right now. I am not one of the people who will say that he would have won - far from it - but for him to start the parade in such a piss-poor fashion, and then decide to wind it up before it got to the first corner is dooming him to an uncelebrated end to a career that has been, at the very least, effective.

Obviously, Duceppe and his group looked at some push-polling a day to late. I know at least two people who had seen numbers before Duceppe: Marois and, wait for it, Boisclair. That is why she was so quick to jump in (on top of him?) and that is why he left. The only thing that is more important than ignoring polls as a leader is, to be blunt, understanding them. Mr. Boisclair will be back - he is way to smart.

Expect question period this afternoon to look something like this:

Random stupid liberal question - PM response about how the only thing more divided than the liberal leadership groups is the rift between the PQ/BQ. Followed by several more dumb questions. Shane Doan wins World Championships for Canada, yippee!

The Speaker - L'honourable depute de Laurier - St. Marie....Cut off by THUNDEROUS standing ovation by the BQ. It will last so long the Speaker will have to cut them off.

Random BQ question about (probably) Afghanistan - PM response will be nothing by personal, vile attacks about how weak the BQ is and how they have lost their relevancy.

It won't be pretty to watch.

Duceppeticons, Attack!!!

Well duh.

I am still right- Boisclair's poor showing had everything to do with his lack of...well, gusto. Duceppe should have left in 2005. What a different place we would be in.

So now, Gilles has to run against someone who just finished running for leader and has a lot of personal appeal. Not the same easy ride he would have had the last time, I suspect.

Duceppe remains the most popular politician in Quebec. The reason it isn't Mario is because there are a lot of people who just don't trust him. Shifty, they call him.

But what does this actually mean? Well, if the council of separatists are meeting at the end of May to set the rules, it is unlikely that we will actually have a convention until September, at the earliest. Until then, the BQ leadership race can't really start - mostly because they draw on the same infrastructure, but honestly, because back to back/simultaneous leadership campaigns can't help anyone - particularly in a movement that is already looking for a raison d'etre, so to speak.

So, Uncle Steve, are you going to call the snap election? Because until they have a leader that is confident in the role, don't count on the BQ voting against anything in the House of Commons. Effectively, you got your majority - Bravo.

April Rodriguez

Sure, Alex Rodriguez had one of the greatest months in the history of baseball. Lot of good it did the Yankees. He is temporarily back in the good books of 10 Million plus die hard Yankees fans who WILL call for his splein on a plate if he doesn't deliver in October.

Regardless of his performance down the stretch, look for him to opt out of the richest contract in baseball history to sign an even more rich contract. Everyone forgets that he is turning 32 in July and alrealy has 479 home runs. When Barry Bonds was 32, he only had just over 300 home runs. Who cares about Barry Bonds! If A-Rod plays until he is 40, and he does a half assed job of it, he might hit 800. If he has any more seasons like this one, he might hit 900. He might also get hit by a bus.

Love him or leave him - Alex Rodriguez is the greatest hitter of this era, and there are few people in the baseball world who don't believe that he will break the Aaron record within the next five years. They don't even see Barry Bonds as anything other than the second poster child of the dark years of baseball. Guess who is the first?

A-Rod aside, the Yankees suck. I admit it.

On the one hand, I shouldn't expect any less - their record at this time last year was worse, and the injury situtation was in its infancy.

On the other hand, the Yankees' pithcing woes border on the comical - to the point that I am going to start referring to their starters as the three stooges. The Bullpen can be Huey, Duey and Louey.

Roger Clemens - arguably the best pitcher in history - has decided to come back for one more season. I love Roger, don't get me wrong, but I hope that someone reminds him that he could be the most dominant middle reliever in baseball instead of a starter that will be excellent for four innings, tops. Frankly, I think he made a mistake- he should have gone to the Sox for this year - if for no other reason I know that the Yanks can rough him up badly.

So, what does it all mean? Nothing. It is May. There are over 130 games left. The Sox are young and gritty, but the Yanks are the freakin' Yanks. If last year's Yanks were the greatest offensive team in history, this one is even better. They have World Series experienced pitching and once it heals itself, it will become dominant again. The key to their succesful turnaround will lie in getting ten runs in the first inning of every game.

"I told him to do that - it was part of our strategy" - Joe Torre, referring to Alex Rodriguez's walk off homer against the Baltimore Orioles.

All signs point to...

Yikes - As if my job wasn't already hard enough.

Maybe, Ms. May wasn't so far off the mark when she complained about Stephen being like Neville

Maybe she should have made a more direct comparison.

Catches your money, just like flies

Last night I finally saw Spiderman 3 - and I say finally because I had the shakes as of 12:01 Friday morning when it was available for public consumption.

At the outset, let me say how I was the only one who laughed out loud when Spiderman saved Gwen Stacey from her fall. The irony was delicious. A sudden fall, indeed. And having her dad there and surviving was even better.

This movie was not X-2 or Batman Begins- it has problems. It is, however, the best of the three, in my opinion.

First: Too much plot. The beginning of the movie was just plain dumb. Less Peter Parker, more fighting. The love interest model for superhero movies should have died with Daredevil. Similarly, 'evil Peter' with the costume on was over the top - a dance sequence? Puh-lease. He just looked like an un-dedicated Marilyn Manson fan.

The first two movies, however, had the same elements of idiocy sprinkled into them. As does every superhero movie- somehow, you have to keep your girlfriend in the theatre with you.

Second: They openly stole a plot twist from Batman, but at least it was a good one. Except, in so doing they undermined the entire "With great power..." theme. In Batman, having the man who became the Joker being responsible for killing Mr. and Mrs. Wayne was an excellent plot twist. It did, however, undermine the random precision of crime that Batman was so fond of foiling- it was a "oh, that's cool" moment.

Having the Sandman involved in Uncle Ben's murder was so obviously a rip-off, it hurt my face- but as it turns out, Parker is now (at least partially) absolved of the guilt that he has for letting Ben Parker's murderer escape him. I know about "but for" analysis - simply put, the dude Spiderman let escape did not pull the trigger. No more guilt and all of the lessons learned.

That rant aside, this movie was still very good. The fight scenes were awesome.

Venom poses an interesting problem for a script writer. How can you involve a character whose original origin took 5.2 years of comic writing and incremental developments into a central movie character in a matter of seconds? True- it would make for a far better HBO special - but ultimately no one cares - they get the just of it: It came from space, it made him crazy, one of his sworn enemies gets it and revenge ensued. Purists who will say "it didn't make sense" I invite them to look how believable it is for a spider to bite a guy and have him get super powers. Move on, it was fine.

Eddie Brock, as Venom, was great. The arrogance portrayed by Grace as Brock the "hero" and the subsequent fall from grace was fantastic. The CGI was wicked, and the very best was the made up Brock with his face only showing through. It was as if Todd MacFarlane drew it himself. Perfect.

So, Harry Osborne as the Green Goblin? He can't do it! BS. Harry Osborne a) appeared in more comics as the GG than his dad did, and b) also briefly tried to be a superhero and c) made the exact call that I predicted he would make. I, however, expected him to say "I'm not helping you, I am helping MJ." In the real (reel?) Marvel world, even though Harry knew Spiderman didn't kill his father, he did blame him for driving the man insane - right or wrong, Harry never forgave Peter for the death of his father. 'Evil Pete' however, could have nailed it even more on the head when he said that Norman loved Peter (or at least what he was) more than his own son.


Captain and Gwen Stacey - as a relative purist, I was upset when they went with MJ instead of Gwen in the first movie. Oh well, they started in the mid 1970s instead of the mid 1960s - BFD. This was, unfortunately, an area that could have been far better developed. I am sure it will be in the sequel's. Cromwell looks eerily like Captain Stacey did. Again, his existence in marveldom was a Batman rip-off in the 1970s. Expect the next film to focus on his relationship with Spiderman working together to similar ends through completely different means - "Well, there are some things I can't do...but you, not being constrained by the bill of rights..."

So, what is next? There are TWO main villains left and a slew of minor villains and side-kicks. If I was in charge of the project: Dr. Connors will continue to study the left-over venom bits, understand that it absorbs the characteristics of its hosts and helps them heal. Not being a biologist, he will reason that it is similar to the way that lizard's heal themselves - he will conduct experiments on both of them and ultimately test the final product on himself to grow his arm back. As always happens with late night uncontrolled experiments, it will go poorly.

A man-sized gecko will terrorize New Yorkers while providing the best, and final, challenge for the world's greatest hunter, who will come to New York cravin' to hunt this ferocious beast. In the meantime, the left-over bits of venom will miraculously come back to life. The left over bits referred to above will be Carnage - (their most popular villain in terms of $$) but will be limited to five minutes of screen time and used to bring Spiderman and Venom (lethal protector) together for a common purpose before their final showdown.

After finding and disposing of Carnage, the lethal protector will turn to Spiderman for revenge ("Your friend isn't here to help you anymore") before they can get to heavily into it, Spiderman will rip off his own costume and say "It's me you want" knowing that he can control the costume somewhat (relative to Brock). Unbeknownst to anyone, when the costume abandons Brock for Parker, it will not be able to- because it has been permanently bonded to Brock. Everyone goes to jail.

And Aunt May, will. Probably to a guy who is also the Chameleon.

That said (is it 'nuff) they have enough awesome material to make 10 movies - they have to judiciously pick over it to make the best choices for the franchise. Tobey says "no more." Right.

Dear Ministers Day, Van Loan and Prentice

Dear Ministers Day, Van Loan and Prentice:

I am writing to you today in your capacity as Ministers of her majesty's government who live in my building.

As you are probably aware, traffic in Ottawa is not really all that bad - as the system we have for the flow of vehicles is designed to handle the very heavy traffic that occurs between 7:30 and 8:30, and subsequently between 2:45 and 2:47 when all of the civil servants leave for the day. It is a miracle of infrastructure.

As Ministers in her majesty's government, you are afforded a special luxury and are provided a car and a driver. With this I take no issue, though I wonder why Minister Day needs a driver given than his Ministry is attached to our building, and maybe the six block walk to Minister Van Loan's office might do him some good. But I digress.

The purpose of my letter is to inquire as to the driving habits of your personal drivers. Habitually, I don't care about what goes on in front of our building in the mornings, but this morning, as I was trying to pull into our parking garage, I found it impossible because parked in front of our entrance were no less than three black sedans, idling, in a no parking zone.

The reason cars are not allowed to park there is simple - between 7:30 and 8:30 the street on which our building is located is a fairly major thoroughfare for accessing the downtown core. Far be it from me to lament the design of our fair city, but when her majesty's government is blocking two of the available four lanes, it can be a surprise to no one when traffic backs up behind them.

Not trying to simply be an alarmist, I have three possible solutions. The first is devilish in its simplicity - have your drivers wait a mere 24 steps away on an adjoining side street. Your driver's desire for civil disobedience for raging against the "no parking" sign machine can also be satiated by idling on said side street. Secondly, your drivers could access the parking spots on the first basement floor of the building. This adds a modicum of security when accessing your vehicles. Thirdly, and shockingly, perhaps you could just call your driver when you are ready to be picked up, and wait outside for them.

If Canada's new government is indeed looking to distinguish itself from its predecessors in the same building (Ministers Lapierre, Dosanj, and Efford) this would be the first in a long series of steps to ameliorate the relationship you have with your neighbours. It is bad enough that Minister Day had a dog shot in February.

Sincerely,

That guy who is polite to you in the elevator despite whatever idiocy you have recently uttered.